Finding the Helpers!

There is this quote by Mr. Rogers that has been running through my mind lately. "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." I remember during the Boston bombings people were saying this a lot. This past school year I started going to this group at my church on Thursdays called Titus 2. It's a womens group that teaches on being the best mommy, wife, God lover that you can be. I dont remember who was speaking but I remember someone talking about God being present in the most horrible situation that this certain person has gone thru. Finding God in the mess of things. "Finding the helper." So I thought back on the "mess" my family went thru less then a month ago. Where were the helpers? I can tell you looking back, now that the pain has somewhat dulled, that there were many and that God was definitely there. For one there is my doctor. Godly man, great personality. A helper! Dave and him got along great right away. On the day of my 29 week doctors appointment and the doctor told us that Jacobs heart was not beating, Dave said he looked at the doctor and he could tell that he did not want to say those words, that it hurt him to say it and that he was sad for us. He left the room to let Dave and I cry and let everything sink in, he returned gave us hugs, and told us we can come in to induce labor whenever we were emotionally ready. God was there, no rushing, no pushing, we could do it on our time. After we left the doctors office, Dave and I sat in our car, cried and made those HORRIBLE calls and texts to family and friends. The whole time, I prayed for strength to get thru the next couple of days. I remember repeating it out loud and in my head over and over again. I would cry "Jesus help me I cant do this on my own" or just "Give me strength Lord." We decided to go in and get induced that night because I emotionally could not function. On the way to the hospital, Dave drove and was crying, and I just continued to pray. I did not shed a tear from that point on. God, my helper was totally there! At the hospital we met our nurse, Anita. I instantly liked her and found out that she had 2 daughters and she also had a stillborn son, just like me. Once again a helper. I remember saying to Dave after we first met her that she was my blessing that God sent to get me through this. Also in conversation, it came up that she was a devote christian, and that the only way she got thru the death of her son was because of her faith. God was there! I forgot to mention the room that they put us in just so happened to be room number 11. For those who have known me for a long time know my favorite number is 11. I gave birth to my beautiful tiny baby boy in room 11 with 2 Godly people around me (3 if you include my husband).  I did not cry when he was born, I had the peace and strength that I had prayed for. I kept telling my husband I can not cry or else I will not stop crying. God obviously knew this was true, so I didnt. After Jacob as born, I had to go to the operating room for a D&C because my placenta would not come out. I was put to sleep. Another thing that I am thankful for, it sort of numbed my pain, emotionally that is. The only visitor we had at the hospital was a pastor from our church who prayed for us and Jacob. Another helper. When we got home from the hospital there were many helpers and that is when God let me fall apart. I think he knew that I was surrounded by people willing to help. For a long time I was angry with God, I thought that he had failed me, abandoned me when I need him the most. I guess I just failed to see the helpers. I'm still hurt, and but more sad about what could have been then angry with God. I do not cry as much these days. The hole in my heart will always be there but I am surviving thanks to my God, and his helpers!